


Best Friends Share Both Sides of Their Story

by pissedofsandwich



Series: hypothetical videos [1]
Category: Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series)
Genre: Based on Jubilee, M/M, andrew is so fond of steven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-03-02 14:03:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13319685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pissedofsandwich/pseuds/pissedofsandwich
Summary: “Well, Andrew?” Jen presses. “Is there something you want to tell Steven?”Yes, there is.Steven’s stopped making faces now, and he’s just staring at Andrew, intently. And Andrew realizes he is not brave.Or: Jen calls in Andrew and Steven to tell both sides of their story. While telling his side of the story, Andrew realizes things.





	1. Andrew's Side

**Author's Note:**

> i saw this yesterday: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzMZNZCmCUg and my mind immediately went,,, standrew
> 
> look, im very proud of steven. he's grown so much from his awkward outcast days to become one of the backbone of buzzfeed. im pretty sure worth it is one of the reasons why people still buzzfeed these days. and im pretty sure andrew is too. they are the cutest.

“Wow, what are we in for today?” Steven sits down across from Andrew. He’s sporting a new jacket, Andrew realizes. He can't seem to stop buying new jackets. It's becoming a problem.

“I was told there would be a taste test,” Andrew quips. “Every time someone tells me I’m in for a taste test, it’s _never_ a taste test.”

Steven laughs. He’s gotten darker since he gets back from Southeast Asia, the tropical sun turning his skin a glorious tan. “I hope it doesn’t get too sexual,” Steven says, and Andrew barely stops himself from cracking a ‘name of your sex tape’ joke.

“We’re going to have you tell both sides of your story,” Jen says, “Individually. The idea is, one of you has to wear these noise-cancelling headphones, and the other will tell the story. See if it matches up.”

“Like the boyfriend tag,” Steven concludes, “But best friends.”

“Well, if that’s what you want to call it,” Jen chuckles. She signals an intern to hand Steven the headphones, which the latter takes with a smile. “Steven, put it on.”

Steven obeys. “Whoa,” he says, “I can’t hear anything.”

Andrew sits up straight. “Just to check,” he says. “Steven, what date is it today?”

Steven blinks blankly at Andrew. “I can’t hear anything,” he assures. “Nor do I can lip-read.”

Andrew relaxes back in his chair, folding his arms between his chest. “Well, this makes it easier to talkshit about you now."

As if on cue, Steven adds, "But I will _know_ if you start talking shit about me!"

-

**_How did the two of you meet?_ **

“I think everyone noticed Steven on his first day at work,” Andrew says. “He walked in, like this tall, gangly dude, completely had no idea where he was supposed to be. I think Kelsey was supposed to give the tour to him, but she completely forgot or had another thing to do, and so we just had this awkward person hanging around the front office until Keith showed him to his desk, which was next to me.”

That was before he started doing Tasty. He was still a frequent face in the Violet crew, acting in self-directed videos with Ashly. He didn’t remember Steven talking much to him—or anyone, really, but he saw his videos went up. _7 Things No One Tells You About Long-Distance Relationship_ , that was one of Steven’s first independent projects.

One of the things that Steven’s most proud of.

“I literally have no idea what you just said,” Steven says when Andrew’s finished. He gingerly pulls the headphones off, handing it to Andrew. “Oh, my ears are _ringin_ '! I hope you didn’t insult me.”

“I guess you’ll see when the video goes up,” Andrew shrugs, and puts on the headphones.

Steven is, presumably, answering the same question. Steven’s a much more animated person than him, using his hands to gesture a lot. It’s daunting, he supposes, to be aware of someone talking about you when you cannot hear. But Steven smiles in the end, and the things that Andrew always tries to suppress when it comes to Steven resurfaces. It’s harder to ignore in the silence, but thankfully, he's mastered the art of keeping his face as stoic as humanly possible.

Even though his eyes always give him away.

-

**_How did the of you become friends?_ **

“I think everyone in the office becomes friends gradually,” Andrew says. “It’s bound to happen.”

Ultimately, his stay in the Violet channel ended. Despite being the first character-based channel in Buzzfeed, much of the content is inspired by true events. Actors are simply playing a more dramatized version of themselves. It means that the relationships that the viewers see portrayed in the channel are mostly true, for the most part.

Andrew, the creepy one. Ashly, the awkward one. For a long while, that was Andrew’s known for, the half of that couple from Buzzfeed. In the end, Ashly realized she was exclusively into girls. That’s the origin story of how he ended up in Tasty. It wasn’t a decision he’d made overnight out of heartbreak, despite what everyone thinks. He had been pondering over it for a long while, when he realized the taste test videos had more potential than just being side-genres on the main channel. The end of his romantic relationship—or lack thereof—with Ashly was the final push he needed to make the pitch.

Steven comes in for a lot of taste tests. The office regards him as the awkward guy, a little socially inept, perhaps, but all that presumptions went out the window as soon as Steven opened his mouth to talk about food. He is _hilarious_.

The holiday party in 2015 is when Steven first talked to him beyond simple pleasantries. Andrew's social battery was running low after an hour of non-stop conversing. Needing a recharge time, he huddled in the corner with a drink in hand, content to just watch the disco lights change as minutes passed.

Then Steven bounced over. “So, I am socially awkward,” he said, which was an interesting ice-breaker, but sure. Stranger things had happened within the office walls. “But I have a brilliant pitch for a culinary series. I need a co-host, ‘cos if it’s just me, I don’t think the show is going to be worth it.”

“We don’t know each other well,” Andrew had replied.

“Yeah, but you’re popular,” Steven said. His face was experiencing the frequent phenomenon that Andrew observed in his many Asian friends—the Asian Glow. “Who would want to watch a show with a nerdy Asian guy? No one would, Andrew, but you!” he had poked him in the chest. “You have an audience. We’re a perfect match. Like macaroni and cheese. Peanut butter and jelly.”

"Okay," Andrew started walking away. "You're drunk."

Steven ended up following him around for the rest of the night, bugging him about his new show, until Andrew finally caved in and agreed.

Up to this day, he still thinks it was the best decision he had ever made.

-

**_Do you have any insecurities in your friendship?_ **

“Not that I know of,” Andrew says.

“How did you not know?” Jen laughs behind camera. “It’s _your_ insecurities.”

“I mean, not really,” Andrew shrugs. Nothing that Andrew can say on camera, to be shared on multiple platforms on the internet, anyway. “But I know Steven does.”

“What are Steven’s insecurities?” Jen prods.

“Steven?” Andrew pulls his arms behind his head. Steven squints at him, as if trying to make sense of what he’s saying.

“I know I’m not good at lip-reading, but that’s a _Steven_ for sure,” the silver-haired man says. “And that makes me nervous.”

“Steven,” Andrew says, over-enunciating his co-host’s name, just to see Steven’s reaction. Steven makes an undignified sound, and Andrew laughs, continuing anyway. “He—he doesn’t want to be underestimated. That’s why he’s such a hardworker. You ever have one of those... control freak friends, in school? Leader of the group who ends up doing all the work because they don't trust their group mates?" 

"That one asshole, yeah," Jen nods.

"Steven's not like that. He has faith in people," Andrew says. Like he has faith in his long distance relationship. The look in his eyes every time talks about Ying is the softest expression Andrew's ever seen. He wonders if anyone every talks about him with that look. Or if Steven will, someday. Not possible. "Some people are good, individually, but can be an asshole in a group. But Steven's not like that. He works hard, for himself and for his team, and that... I admire."

Or a workaholic might be the more accurate term. Andrew’s definitely had to physically pry him off his desk and force him to eat something that isn’t Pop-Tarts. Steven surprisingly doesn't eat well, despite traveling around the world to eat the most expensive food. A perfectionist, a to-do-lister (their shared desk is cluttered with so many post-its), a socially anxious genius. Steven doesn’t make his social anxiety a secret, exploring it in a video where he enlisted a literal life coach to help him make friends. Andrew knows he cares about what people think, probably a little too much to be healthy, and Andrew certainly he wishes he would one day realize that the only opinion he should care about is his own.

Andrew reconsiders his answer. “You know what, I do have an insecurity. It’s more of a fear, but—I don’t want to disappoint him,” Andrew says. “He’s always worked hard, and Worth It is his baby, and I guess I’m afraid one day I won’t be able to catch up with him and… not deserve that place next to him.”

Here it comes again, that barrage of feelings. 

Steven exchanges his headphones and gives Andrew a dirty look. “I’m starting to think the video’s real title is ‘Andrew Trashtalks Steven.’”

It’s not, but Andrew laughs anyway.

-

**_What’s the biggest fight you’ve ever had?_ **

“Japan,” Andrew answers without missing a beat. “We got lost in Tokyo. Rie kept reminding us to stay by her side, because we’re clueless Americans who don’t speak a lick of Japanese, but Steven kept getting distracted by the city. I went to look for him, but when I found him, Rie and Adam weren’t where we agreed to meet up.”

They had spent countless of hours trying to understand the kanji on the subway map, futilely asking for directions in broken Japanese. In his annoyance, Andrew blamed Steven, who blamed Andrew for looking for him in the first place. Rie and Adam found them, eventually, and due to this error, they had to shoot their first ramen video very late at night. Thankfully, Rie personally knows the owner, having gone here during her high school days, and managed to get them to film on time.

Fighting is difficult, because Worth It relies heavily on the dynamic of their friendship. Steven, the cheery one. Andrew, the dry one. But angry Steven gives you silent treatment and refuses to acknowledge your presence, and they cannot have that. But Steven slipped into Worth It Steven without missing a beat, joking and laughing at his puns, even letting Andrew feed him. But once the cameras were off, Steven's back was immediately to him. Like Andrew wouldn't exist if Steven couldn't see him.

“How did you two make up?” Jen asks.

“We talked it out,” Andrew answers flatly. “Like real adults that we are.”

Jen laughs, and gestures to Steven to switch. “What’s the question?” Steven asks as he gives the headphones over to Andrew.

“Biggest fight you’ve ever had,” Jen answers.

“Oh, this story is fun—”

Andrew doesn’t hear the rest of it as he slips on the headphones.

-

**_What’s the one thing you hate about him?_ **

“Hate is such a strong word,” Andrew remarks. “I guess—pet-peeves, would be more correct.”

Andrew thinks of the early days of their friendship, how Steven’s cheeriness used to drive him up the wall. Andrew’s gotten accustomed to it by now, to the point where the absence of smile on Steven’s face becomes alarming.

“He has no concept of personal space,” Andrew says.

He doesn’t hate it for the right reasons. He loves having Steven all up in his personal space. Steven being an affectionate drunk is definitely on top of the list of Unfortunate Things in Andrew Ilnyckyj’s Life, because unspeakable things happen when Steven touches him. Like feelings. God, this video is more feelings than Andrew would have liked. Is it too late to back out?

“You’re thinking hard,” Steven quips.

See, what he truly, truly hates—is how those touches don’t mean anything. And he desperately wants it to mean something.

But he can’t exactly say that on camera.

-

**_What do you admire the most from him?_ **

“I’ve mentioned this before, but I really admire his work ethics,” Andrew says. “Being able to stay committed in his plans, even when he's juggling three deadlines. He’s a very dedicated person. He just throws everything he has to make sure it’s up to his standards. He has a great eye for details, just really—meticulous.”

Steven’s squinting at him again, but this time he’s making funny faces.

“Look at that,” Andrew nods at Steven, “You wouldn’t expect it, looking at his ridiculous faces, but I think Steven Lim is an asset.”

“It still baffles me how you can say sweet things like that and keep a complete straight face,” Jen comments.

“It’s not that sweet,” Andrew denies.

Steven’s still making faces at him.

“Time’s up, big guy,” Andrew reaches for the headphones. “It’s your turn now.”

-

**_Is there anything that you want to tell him?_ **

“Stop making funny faces, Steven.”

“What did he say?” Steven asks. “I can’t read lips very well, but I’m guessing he just told me to stop doing this.” He pulls the most ridiculous face Andrew has ever seen, and right there, when his stomach starts to hurt from laughing too much, Andrew realizes what those feelings mean. He loves Steven.

It’s not some big reveal that has his world turned upside down, but his insides feel warm. This is not the moment that makes Andrew fall in love with Steven; he thinks it’s happened, somewhere in the past, where Andrew is not looking. His heart has made the decision for him a long time ago, and his brain has only just caught up.

It could’ve happened in Australia, between the times Andrew tries to dump him into the water, and ends up holding him back every time. In Japan, when Andrew realizes just how bereft he feels without Steven by his side. It could’ve happened somewhere during the car rides, Steven growing into the person that he is today, confident and funny and brilliant, and everything Andrew’s ever wanted.

“Well, Andrew?” Jen presses. “Is there something you want to tell Steven?”

_Yes, there is._

Steven’s stopped making faces now, and he’s just staring at Andrew, intently. And Andrew realizes he is not brave.

“I’m proud of him,” Andrew says instead. “Of how far he’s grown. And how further he will grow. He used to be a chemical engineer, did you guys know?” Andrew looks around. This is one fact about Steven that he always finds fascinating. The soul-sucking world of corporate work does not deserve Steven, and he is glad Steven is where he is now. “I’m proud of him for taking that big jump. It must not have been easy. But he did it, he worked hard, and… here he is now.”

Andrew puts his hands on his laps and knits his fingers together. “He told me once, that he wants to be someone teen Steven would look up to, and be confident. And I think,” he searches for Steven’s eyes, knowing full well that Steven can’t hear him, but he wants to tell it to his face anyway, “Goal accomplished.”

Andrew's face must've been serious because Steven's looking back at him with something like reverence in his eyes. Andrew tells Jen he's finished, and Steven looks bewildered as he takes off his headphones. "What did you say?" he asks. "You got so serious, I'm almost worried."

Andrew shrugs, feigning nonchalance. "It's nothing," he says. "We were just talking about... stuff. Nothing important. Give me the headphones."

Their hands brush when Steven hands him the headphones, for the last time today. Andrew hopes that nobody will see right through him, how the simple brush of skin makes him jump, how his eyes always, unfailingly, betray him. He wants nothing more than the bravery of telling Steven what he truly feels, free of the fear of ruining the comfort of where they are, where sometimes, if Andrew is brave enough, he can imagine a world where Steven belongs to him. Where his heart isn't a million miles way with someone else.

But Steven smiles at him, and Andrew, for a while, can pretend that he's brave.

And for now, that’s enough.


	2. Steven's Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so here i am!!! after a few decades. im so sorry this took so long bcs engineering school is kicking my ass. i also apologize that this isn't actually in steven's pov, bcs for some reason it is harder to write his voice compared to andrew's? but you'll still be getting a lot of info on how steven Feels
> 
> ok so i hope u enjoy!

They wrap up filming and Steven leaves the set, mumbling something about having a meeting to get to, despite it being nearly the end of office hours. Andrew does his best to trample down his disappointment—he was hoping to go over what they both said. He just wants to know, and he’s not going to wait for two weeks just to view the video, along with their nine-million viewers.

Jen gives him a fist-bump, because that’s the kind of person that she is. “Gotta calm down with the heart eyes, man,” Jen jokes. It’s probably meant to be lighthearted but Andrew feels the weight of it in his chest—god, was it that obvious? Did Steven find out? Could it be why Steven left so abruptly?

Andrew smiles tightly. He feels sick to his stomach, and wonders why he even bothered to be in videos that didn’t have anything to do with food anymore.

-

Once the video goes online, Andrew… avoids socializing.

More than usual, that is.

_Gotta calm down with the heart eyes, man._

Comments don’t bother him. They never have; Andrew has never been the kind to care too much about what people think when it doesn’t matter. Working at Buzzfeed, comments relating to the content and quality of the videos he produced of course matters. After all, it is a company driven by its consumers, as any start-up is. But comments about his personal life? They pass through Andrew like air. Being in the tough film industry has taught him nothing if not to have thick skin.

But when it comes to Steven… he actively blocks out any comments that venture too much into his and Steven’s friendship. Especially those about Andrew. He has to remind himself about a dozen times a day not to touch Steven too much whenever they shoot. He doesn’t want online entities finding out that he likes Steven, against all odds, before the man himself does.

Before he gathers enough bravery to do so.

While the Buzzfeed office detects no change in his behavior, Adam certainly does. He keeps looking at Andrew with knowing eyes, communicating everything and nothing behind his black-rimmed glasses. He and Adam are so familiar; they’re not shy or quiet. Given the right company, Andrew can talk non-stop, but words can be exhausting, and that’s why, if you want to know the truth about Andrew, look into his eyes. They’ll tell everything you need to know.

And Adam sees right through him.

Andrew averts his eyes and pulls his headphones tighter.

-

He also pointedly avoids his phone, which he knows will be blowing up with notifications from social media. He lets its battery run out and doesn’t charge it. He eats lunch at his desk, doesn’t move except to go the bathroom, and only tidies up his things and prepares to go home when Steven has.

At which point, Adam has given him scolding looks for a total of five times.

Jen unexpectedly finds him outside as he’s waiting for his Uber. He can drive, but he just doesn’t feel like dealing with LA traffic when his mind is a mess.

“Hey,” Jen says. Andrew looks down at her and gives her a respectful nod. “I think you should talk to Steven.”

Jen definitely knows. “Sure,” Andrew says, and totally does not mean it.

“No, I’m serious,” Jen says. “Do yourself a favor and watch the damn video.”

“Sure,” Andrew says, and then, “Ouch,” when Jen punches him in the arm. For such a tiny human being, Jen does have the strength of a python. Must be all the exercise Jen had to do with the Test Friends.

“God, how are you still stoic when you’re in pain?” Jen complains. “Look, whatever it is you’re feeling right now, I guarantee you, Steven’s feeling it too.”

“Steven is in a relationship, Jen,” Andrew says, throat closing up. “He—he’s not going to cheat.”

“They broke up,” Jen says. Andrew feels sick and the way his heart lifts at that. “Two weeks ago. He didn’t tell you because—well, the same reason you’re not telling him, I suppose.”

“But Steven loves Ying,” Andrew says.

“Yeah, but distance doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder,” Jen says. “Even if you’re not about to tell him, just promise to listen to what Steven says in the video, okay?”

Andrew doesn’t look at Jen. “Sure,” he mumbles, thankful that his Uber has arrived.

-

Andrew finally caves in.

 _Best Friends Tell Each Other Both Sides of Their Story_ is three days old and garnering twelve million views. Jen has strategically put Shane and Ryan on the thumbnail, laughing with their eyes closed. His thumb hovers over it, clinging of every last ounce of doubt he still has, before his mind goes, _fuck it_ , and he presses the video.

-

“No matter how obnoxious you are, I don’t think I would have stayed here as long as I have, if I hadn’t met you,” Ryan says in the first two seconds of the video, “And every day, I’m thankful for the shit that you put me through, even if I tell you I hate you every two seconds, even if you suck and don’t believe in ghosts—which are _real_ , by the way—if you get attacked by one, I would only laugh for exactly two seconds before helping you.”

Shane, in complete contrast to the sincerity in Ryan’s voice, says, “Did you just describe how you would kill me?”

“Wh—what?” Ryan is laughing.

“No, I swear, your face was so—it was like you were concentrating on something, and the amount of time you tell me how much you want to kill me on the show, makes me think that you’re just fleshing out your plans to murder me,” Shane says.

Ryan’s laughter subsides. “Yeah, love you too, big guy.”

The title card flashes, and then the next scenes are each of the pairs taking their seats. There are Shane and Ryan, Quinta and Ashly, Evan and Kelsey, and of course, Andrew and Steven.

_How did you the two of you meet?_

Andrew watches impassively as each pairing of best friends tell the story of how they met. Almost like everything they do, Shane and Ryan argue over which one of them has the right first meeting story, and Jen cuts it right to a cute exchange between Quinta and Ashley. Evan and Kelsey are a little more awkward, but they look at each other with fondness that’s undeniable. As soon as his face pops up next to Steven’s, Andrew feels the need to pause video—maybe exit the YouTube app altogether, because his chest is beating hard with how much he wants to know, and how much he doesn’t want to know.

He’s already two minutes in, so might as well.

He almost skips through the parts where he’s talking. God, he hates seeing and hearing himself talk. He always sounds nothing like he expected he would be, and it’s unsettling. But he pushes through it, if only to reassure himself that he’s not doing “heart eyes” or whatever Jen calls it.

“Andrew is like, the resident cool guy,” Steven starts. “I started out at Buzzfeed when the company has taken off, so I’ve known Andrew before I was even employed here, from his Creepy videos, which was kind of weird, now that I said it.”

Oh, god, erase the Creepy videos out of his brain. Steven’s first impression of him was everything that he exaggerated from his personality for the Creepy videos.

“I thought he was kinda scary, ‘cos his face or eyes don’t move whenever he’s speaking, and who does that! I get the whole stoic front he’s got going on, but it is seriously intimidating,” Steven laughs. “We were deskmates, and I tried making small talk to him, but he just grunted at me and I didn’t try talking to him again.”

Andrew doesn’t remember that part.

Jen cuts to the next question, _How did the two of you become friends?_ He painstakingly tolerates the sound of his voice retelling the story of how Worth It was born and feels his heart warm at the sight of Steven’s grin.

“I basically bugged him until he agreed on being co-hosts for Worth It,” Steven starts, and afterwards Andrew kind of tunes out the rest of Steven’s story because he’s too busy staring at the way Steven smiles. Steven loves Worth It, it’s basically his baby, and Andrew loves nothing more than to see his whole face glow whenever he’s talking about it.

“… in retrospect, it was the best decision of my life,” Steven says. “Although at the time, it didn’t really feel like it.”

Off-screen, Jen asks, “How so?”

“Yeah, ‘cos for the longest time I thought he hated me,” Steven shrugs. “For the first few episodes, he looked like he was ready to jump out the car out of boredom. He wouldn’t even want to cheer his food with me! Which was fine, you know, I’ve been told I can be pretty annoying.”

 _It wasn’t hate_ , Andrew wants to tell Steven. He’s just always been dry. Many girlfriends and boyfriends in the past have broken things up with him because of that—they don’t feel that Andrew is affectionate, they don’t feel that Andrew loves them enough—and many have tried to break him out of that shell, but none succeeds.

Except for Steven.

He knows Steven’s side of the story doesn’t end there, but the next minute Jen is already jumping onto the next question, _Do you have any insecurities in your friendship?_ He isn’t really listening to Ryan and Shane’s story, but he catches bits and pieces of it, and feels that he relates to Shane’s a lot. “Ryan has crazy work ethics, sometimes I’m worried he’d be driving himself into an early grave,” Shane says. “It’s not necessarily a bad thing for me—pretty bad for him, he needs to take care of himself better—but it makes me feel like… I have to constantly catch up. And I’m not—at his level. So.”

God, Andrew needs to talk to Shane about being friends with highly functioning workaholics.

It cuts to the his and Steven’s part. Jen has included the part where Andrew, not knowing what his insecurities are, lists off Steven’s own insecurities—one that he knows of, anyway. Andrew can’t watch himself, never likes to, even in the days where he was still doing Creepy/Awkward videos with Ashly. He wants to skip ahead to the Steven’s part, but he catches the way he looks at Steven—god, is he always that lovelorn? He thought Jen was joking when he told Andrew to “tone down the heart eyes,” but his eyes are nothing if not soft as they look at Steven.

“I’m starting to think the video’s real title is ‘Andrew Trashtalks Steven.’” On-screen Steven is extending his hands to give the pair of headphones from Andrew. What would Steven think, when he finds out that what Andrew said is the complete opposite?

Andrew doesn’t have time to fret over the possibility of Steven finding out about his feelings, as Steven is now answering the question. “Well… I can be kind of annoying, as a friend,” Steven laughs, self-conscious. “I guess it’s the Asian in me, you know? We Asians care about our friends a great deal. When I really like someone—”

Steven trails off. There’s barely any change in his expression, but Andrew’s spent almost two years going around the country to try food with him—this is the face that Steven makes when he’s realized something, like a flaw in their scheduling.

Or something else.

“—as a friend,” he adds, rather hastily, “I tend to want to always be on their side? I think I have attachment issues. But anyway, I’m kinda worried that one day I’d annoy him into falling out of friendship with me.”

Will never happen, Andrew thinks. But of course, Steven doesn’t know that.

-

Andrew spends the next three questions zoning in and out—he’s looking at the screen, but his mind is back in Japan, arguing in the streets of Tokyo, lost and angry and tired. His mind is in Australia, sneaking out of their shared hotel room—they could’ve gone to the receptionist and asked for a switch, but they didn’t—to see the sunrise in the empty beach. And, more recently, his mind is in Hawaii, running into the water in rolled-up jeans and wishing that moment would never end.

He wonders how he didn’t realize sooner that each day spent with Steven has melted away his guard, slowly but surely, like ice under the sun. Steven’s a pleasant surprise, but as much as it kills him that Steven doesn’t understand how much his awkward, gangly self means to him, Andrew is scared—that things will change between them, that he’ll ruin the good thing that they have going on between them, that Andrew’s feelings will damage the dynamic between them, and inadvertently ruin Worth It.

He’s scared Steven won’t feel the same.

When he pays attention again, the video is already on its last question. _Is there anything that you want to tell him?_

Steven wets his bottom lip—and god, how that sends a shot of warmth in his stomach.

“I… I think I do,” Steven says. “But I think… that he should hear it first. Like, from me, not… through this video.”

Off-screen, Jen presses. “Can you give us a hint, Steven?”

“No,” Steven shakes his head. He slouches in his chair—he is way too tall for that cheap yellow chair—and stretches out his legs. The tip of his fancy new sneakers touch Andrew’s. Andrew remembers this part.

“Why is that?” Jen keeps pressing.

Steven crosses his arms on his chest. “Because I think it will ruin things.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *walks in six months late with a starbucks*
> 
> hello friends. i'm so sorry that this chapter took so long!!! i had the beginning and the end written, but couldn't figure out what to do in the middle. and then somewhere along the way, life happened, engineering school exploded on me, and now we're here. 
> 
> but it's here, and i hope you guys like it! thank you for all your kind words and support. i hope this satisfies your need for some good ol' standrew content. let me know if you found any errors!

It feels like the air has shifted at the oﬃce, and it doesn't feel right. Andrew feels suffocated.

Maybe it's the August heat, or maybe it's that he notices Ryan's smile is deeper around Shane, like he has a room full of secrets saved up for Shane. Maybe it's the fact that Adam keeps giving him these looks, like he's reprimanding him for a mistake he has no idea he made. Maybe it's the fact that Steven is so unbearably... _normal_ , working at his desk diligently and laughing at Andrew, completely and utterly unaware of the way it makes Andrew's heart clench.

Maybe it's the fact that the many pairs of eyes that look at him whenever he talks to Steven feel almost like they're intruding, needling at the bubble that he and Steven created, pushing them to do something so urgently.

Maybe it's that he's gathered the bravery he needs to tell Steven everything he's ever felt, but Steven wouldn't give Andrew any chance to approach the subject.

It's driving him insane.

Steven's not dense; he must know what Andrew is going for. You don't just announce the world that you want to ruin your friendship and then go back to business as usual. Steven has just put a bowl full of ramen in front of a starving man and told the man it's not allowed of him to eat.

It's far too... calculated for Andrew to blame it on Steven being oblivious. Steven is avoiding him in purpose.

Andrew is dying to know why.

He spent the whole morning trying to ﬁgure out what he did wrong, what Steven was thinking, rewatching the video over and over again until Annie slams down a folder of _Eating Your Feed_ ideas on his desk.

Andrew minimizes his tab and looks up at Annie—although he barely has to, with the height Annie stands at. They’re almost eye-level even when he’s sitting down.

"You really have to do that?" Andrew says.

Annie pointedly looks does not look at the folder of _Eating Your Feed_ ideas on his desk and demands, "Where is Steven?"

That is not the case for Andrew. Since he saw the video last night, it feels like he sees Steven everywhere. Even when he closes his eyes. "I have no idea," Andrew says. "We're not glued at the hip, contrary to popular belief." And now he's picturing Steven's hips, and how very much he would like to press his to—

"But I'm sure he's just late," Andrew says in a rush.

"Andrew," Annie looks at him with clear exasperation on her face. "It's noon."

Andrew stares back Annie, ﬁghting hard against a facepalm and keeping a straight face. "I was caught up in editing," Andrew lies, "that I did not realize the passing of time."

Annie narrows her eyes at him and moves the mouse in a jerky fashion. The screensaver parts to reveal that Andrew has, evidently, been not editing, because on his screen is the cursed Best Friends video. Andrew has never clicked the little exit icon so quickly.

"So," he turns his chair at Annie, "He came in this morning?"

Annie lets out a groan of frustration. "Yes, and now he's nowhere to be seen, and I'm worried." Then, after a beat, "But you probably would avoid the hell out of him if you saw Steven, wouldn't you?"

Andrew has no idea what to say. Annie's tone was not even accusatory; she just sounded resigned, which somehow makes it worse.

"I don't know what to say." Andrew slouches further in his seat, massaging the headache that never quite goes since the goddamn ﬁlming of the video. "To you or to him."

Annie sighs. She pulls up an empty chair to sit across from Andrew—Freddie's, but the whole Ladylike crew is off in _Kenya_ to learn about the mother DNA and history. Meanwhile, the Worth It cast is freaking out over feelings.

"Look, I don't know if it's my place to say, but Steven likes you. He really, really likes you," Annie says lowly.

"I know," Andrew says.

"I can't begin to understand what's going on in that head of yours, but if the feeling is not mutual, then let him know," Annie says. "Don't—ignore him like this."

Andrew shakes his head. He can't imagine that anyone who is loved by Steven Lim has the ability to not have those feelings in turn. "It's not the case," Andrew says. "I—I like him, too."

It's the ﬁrst time he's said it out loud. It's also the ﬁrst time he's ever admitted it to anyone.

"Then why don't you tell him?" Annie says. "I'm not planning to play messenger like we're in middle school. Talk about your feelings like adults—"

"Annie! There you are!"

It's Steven, bouncing down their direction with a big smile. Annie nearly topples her chair over when she stands up too quickly. "I've been looking at you everywhere," she says.

"What's up?" Steven looks down at her. He glances at Andrew like he's only realizing now that Andrew is there, and nods at him. "Hey, Andrew," he says, so casual, like he didn't just admit that there is something that he wanted to tell Andrew that could possibly ruin their friendship. God, and how Andrew wants Steven to ruin their friendship.

Andrew wants to ask him. He believes in Annie's words, but he wants to hear it from Steven. Wants to know why he could think that it could ruin their friendship, when Andrew has been doing it forever.

"Steven—"

"Oh," Steven turns to Andrew, "Can you hold that thought? I have some projects to run by Annie ﬁrst." He points at their short friend, "You don't mind, do you?"

Andrew feels like a deﬂated balloon. "Totally ﬁne."

"Great," Steven smiles, bright and sunny, "I'll see you at team meeting today?"

Andrew forgot they even had one. "Sure," he tries to smile back, but it seems more like a grimace.

-

The next couple of days would have Steven blatantly turning the other direction every time Andrew so much tries to walk his way. It’s always some kind of excuse: he needs to talk to Adam about the next season, something important very suddenly has come up and now he has to meet Ryan in the other building, all white lies that make it clear Steven _knows_ what Andrew is going for, and deliberately failing his effort to make them work.

Something self-deprecating in Andrew’s head tells him that it could be that Steven changed his mind about Andrew. Or worse, that he’s only saying those things to make views—he knows about the part of their fanbase that would be overjoyed at the thought of them dating each other—but that’s not the type of person that Steven is. Steven is authentic, earnest to a fault, and something like this—something that involves feelings—is never something that he takes lightly. Steven doesn’t do things halfway. The only time he will only give up is when he thinks he’s run out of ways to make things work.

And if that’s what Steven thinks about their relationship, then Andrew has a lot of _points_ to make.

But in true Steven fashion, Andrew finds it increasingly difficult to catch Steven alone. He eats lunch with Ryan and Shane, ignoring Ryan who’s obviously dropping hints about how Steven is totally being a thirdwheel, to the amusement of Shane. He makes sure that he’s always at least with Annie, even when he’s editing at his desk. Andrew thinks of following him to the bathroom, but even he’s not willing to stoop to that level of creepy, no matter how on-brand it is for him to play up the creepy part of his personality.

A blessing comes in the form of Rie McClenny, waltzing into the Buzzfeed office with an invite to an impromptu pasta party in the Tasty kitchen. “We’re all trying a dozen recipes for the best spaghetti and meatball recipe, so there are a lot of leftovers,” she explains. “So, pasta party!”

In the Buzzfeed office, they may all be way over the age of twenty-five, but their logic turns into that of a college student when free food comes to the equation. No one hates free food, especially free food made by Tasty’s own angel and chef extraordinaire Rie McClenny, who they really should have more often in Worth It videos, and her magic is enough to make Steven forget that he’s not supposed to be in the same room with Andrew unless absolutely necessary.

As the remaining crew shuffles into the Tasty kitchen, Andrew keeps an eye on Steven. He can no longer stand dancing in circles, and he can’t accept that Steven told the whole world that his feelings towards Andrew before telling Andrew himself. But he needs it to be right moment, catch Steven alone, but do not push him. Andrew’s waited _seasons_ to see a sign that Steven might spare a thought about him that’s more than friendly, he can wait a few more minutes until he’s had some meatballs.

(God, that sounds like a euphemism. Andrew cannot be thinking about it right now)

Andrew mingles, talks to Rie about meatball frying techniques and what food they should eat if they ever go to Japan again. “Sushi,” Rie answers almost immediately. “You cannot go to Japan and not eat sushi!”

“Right, and we _have_ to do egg,” Andrew says. “Just so we can go back to Kichi Kichi restaurant.”

“You love that chef so much,” Rie laughs. “And if you go to Japan, you can also replace the bad memories from last year with new, good ones.”

Andrew blinks. “Excuse me?”

“I mean, last year when we went to Japan, you and Steven had a falling out,” Rie says. “You can fix that.”

Making new memories with Steven. Andrew would like that. A lot. His gaze inadvertently falls on Steven, who has his head tipped back as he empties a glass of orange juice. “Yeah,” he says. Steven sets his glass back on the table, and when he turns, their eyes catch. Andrew wants to look away, afraid that once Steven catches his eyes, he will run, but Steven stares back. There is so much meaning that Andrew wants to find out from his eyes alone. How exactly does Steven want to ruin their friendship? Andrew wants to know. When did he realize that he fell for Andrew? Does he know that since day one, there is no one for Andrew?

Steven breaks his gaze, and makes a run for the door.

“Oh, hell no,” Andrew mutters. He sets his plate down haphazardly, nearly knocking into Adam as he runs after Steven. He follows Steven to the alleyway that cuts between their office buildings, making way for the parking lot. Andrew looks around, but he doesn’t see Steven’s silver head anywhere. Starting to panic, Andrew runs back towards the alleyway—perhaps he missed Steven somewhere—

"Get away from me, Andrew!"

And he’s right.

Somewhere... _up_. Andrew cranes his neck so he can look at the sky, and there, perched on the sad excuse of a balcony that their oﬃce somehow acquired, is Steven.

"What is this," Andrew says, completely ﬂat, but loud enough that Steven cannot possibly pretend to not listen. "Recreation of Hot dog video?"

"We were doing so great," Steven complains, mostly to himself, "Ignoring each other. Ignoring _feelings_."

"We can't," Andrew says. "We work together." He braces both hands on his hips, still looking pointedly at Steven. "Steven. Please. Get down before you hurt yourself."

"No," Steven shakes his head. "And if you know nothing about me, you at least know have to know that I am the most professional co-host out here in Los Angeles."

"Are you—are you talking about Japan?" Andrew tilts his head.

"Maybe," Steven says.

"Steven! We both know we hate Japan!" Andrew exclaims in annoyance. Steven resolutely does not move. He clings to the railings in deﬁance. In a ﬁt of desperation, Andrew's eyes lie on the vines that have grown on the side of the building. He's hit with a sudden burst of idea—stupid, probably going to get himself injured, and impractical as hell. But he's going to do it, because this is what Steven has made him do, every now and then: make him throw logic and caution to the wind.

"You know what, if you're not getting down, I'm getting up there," Andrew declares, and proceeds to climb the vines, much to Steven's horror.

"No—Andrew—"

"Steven. Listen," Andrew says, already out of breath, but he's gone this far, there is no going back. He pulls his feet up and grabs another vine.

"You're gonna die," Steven says in horror.

"Maybe," Andrew replies, realizing now that he should probably work out more, if he's going to be the co-host of Worth It until the day he dies. "But—I'm not dying without telling you—" he grabs the ledge, and with great strain, hoists himself on the surface, facing Steven, "—how much I love you."

Steven's mouth is agape, eyes wide. "You—mean—how do you mean it?"

"Every way that it can mean," Andrew says. "Every way that you want it to mean."

"Dude, that doesn't—" Steven trails off, laughing nervously. Under the setting sun, he looks like a part of the sky, silver hair soft against the glaring red and orange. "I don't know what I want it to mean. I have never—" he throws his head wildly in the space between them. "Not like this."

Andrew feels the words like a punch in his gut. "That's okay," he says. "I won't—act on it. Promise."

Steven makes a sound like he's been hurt. "No, that's the problem. I—I want you to act on it." He lifts his head, bashful. "So badly," he adds, barely a whisper. "But I—I still have things to ﬁgure out. I know that I feel the same way as you do—please know that. But I'm not—"

Andrew nods, and it takes everything in him not to reach out and squeeze Steven's hand. "I understand," he says.

"But can we—" Steven looks so anxious, so confused. Andrew doesn't want that, doesn't like that he's putting Steven through all this. "Can we stay here, for a little while?"

"I'm not sure if this is going to sustain our combined weight," Andrew says, suspiciously eyeing the screws. "How about—dinner first?"

Steven smiles, “Okay.”

-

It’s June, and the cicadas are loud between the trees. Andrew remembers the heat from last time, and doesn’t know if he should feel relieved at that. His skin is sticking to his t-shirt uncomfortably, and a complaint is already on the tips of his lips when he spots a stray kitten walking along the sidewalk. The heat forgotten, Andrew wanders off-camera to pet the kitten.

“Andrew, seriously?” Steven laughs. He’s standing with Rie in front of Adam, Annie somewhere behind him holding their sound equipment with an equally stoic face. His white shirt makes his hair look softer, his eyes brighter.

“There’s a cat,” Andrew says. “And I gotta pet the cat.”

Andrew leaves the cat after he deems that it has gotten the petting it deserves, and joins Rie and Steven in their intro for the second part of their Japan episode. As per Rie’s suggestion, they are doing sushi. Their next stop is, of course, egg, because the chef at Kichi Kichi is just too marvelous to only see once. Steven is describing their first stop as Andrew holds the camera for the five of them, vlogging-style, the lowest-price point place with a conveyor belt in place of waitress.

Andrew has just expressed his desire to be conveyor-belted when he feels Steven wrapping his arms around his waist and lifting him. Steven runs at full speed, and Andrew laughs, open and honest. They only make it about twenty feet before Steven huffs out that he’s exhausted, and drops Andrew on the grass, the camera forgotten somewhere in the lush green of Japan.

“How’s that for being conveyor-belted?” Steven grins from on top of him.

“Needs work,” Andrew retorts, and Steven rolls his eyes. He leans down to kiss Andrew, and it’s still as good as the first time. Somewhere above them, Andrew hears the rest of his friends approaching, but he can’t really be thinking of them when Steven has his mouth on him.

“We need to make a rule about making out during work,” Adam says.

Andrew flips him off.

He definitely is going to make new memories with Steven in Japan.

**Author's Note:**

> i might make this a series??? idk write steven's side of the story, and maybe branch over to shyan? but idk,,, i like this the way it is


End file.
